Want to hear some very real, very honest truth about tripping through my faith? Sometimes I can’t seem to make myself move when I know I need to kneel at the altar.
*Gasp!* Did I just say that out loud?
I’ve been raised in the church since I was born, my dad has been a deacon or elder of every church we’ve ever been in, so I’ve pretty much been a “pastor’s kid” most of my life. I know how to look like I’m walking the walk. I know how to make everyone think that everything is going great in my life. So, it’s pretty big to me that I am admitting this to you now. Yes, dear readers, I struggle in my daily walk with God, even some 20-something years later.
I have had many a Sunday this past year that I have felt God calling me down to the altar on a Sunday morning to pray and I have simply held my place. Oh, I’ve had all the great excuses: “I’ve got to stay in the booth because he will finish the invitiation quickly and I’ll need to move the camera angel back down.” “I can pray right here.”, etc., but all those are excuses. What I really needed to do was go to the front. But I know what’s going to happen when I get there….I’m going to cry. HARD. And all I’m going to be able to pray is “Please, God.” I HATE crying, I mean really hate it. Like, do everything I possibly can to avoid crying. So, I glue myself to my place in the booth and don’t make the walk up there.
You know what’s funny though, friends? As much as I hate crying, hate being public with emotions, hate being up in front of people, on the days that I do make it up there and cry my eyes out, I feel better. I feel more connected to God. I feel like he heard my heart that day and was right there while I cried. Isn’t it weird how we do everything we can to keep busy, stay out of the Word, stay away from time with God (intentional or otherwise) and then, when we take a moment, we feel so much better? This past Sunday, I sat at that altar and I cried hard, ugly, now one wants to see that, kind of tears at God’s feet and I felt better. I had obeyed. I had prayed. I had left my mess at the altar for the moment. That’s what God had asked of me.
So, the next time you and I both come up with an excuse as to why we can’t follow the prompting of our spirits to take a moment kneeling at the altar, let’s try to remember how we feel when we do.