When I was younger, before I ever had to deal with too many real heartaches, I heard people say they didn’t understand why God would allow this or that to happen. I understood but not completely. I would remind people that this is a sick world and that God didn’t promise us that life would be easier just because we got saved. And while all of that is still true now as it was back then, it’s not a platitude I speak too often anymore.
Through all of this mess that we’ve been living in the past several years, and the new problems in the last year and a half, I struggle with this whole situation not being fair. I struggle with knowing that this is not how it was supposed to be. He was not supposed to struggle like this. He was supposed to live out his life like every other “normal” child and he was supposed to grow up enjoying childhood. His life was supposed to be easier.
He was supposed to be happier and struggle less than this. I knew he would struggle in life, after all, we all do, but his struggles weren’t supposed to be this hard. I wasn’t supposed to have to admit him to a hospital once already and to a treatment facility now. I wasn’t supposed to have to leave him in the hands of others while they try to find what’s going on with him medically and emotionally. This is one of the hardest struggles I’ve ever faced and one of the hardest spiritual struggles I have ever had to face.
I grew up in church. I knew and loved God at an early age. I’ve struggled with that faith of course and I’ve had to come back to it many, many times, but now, while I KNOW that God is in control and allowing this struggle in our lives for a reason, I am struggling so much more to TRUST God while he allows these things to happen. Trust is not something that I give easily. I lost trust in people at a young age and have struggled with trust for so many years. I thought I trusted God, but when you are faced with a situation in your life that requires so much more trust in Him than ever, you sometimes find that you don’t trust Him fully yet. That’s where I’m at. I’m trying so hard to trust Him, but sometimes it still feels like He’s a million miles away when I know He’s really not. Trust is hard.
Webster defines trust as:
- To place confidence: depend
- To be confident: hope
The Bible says in Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding.”
Even my life verse right now, Psalm 61:2, talks about trust, “from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I”.
Trust is something we need to do to be fully free in Christ, but boy is it the hardest thing to do, especially when we have a problem with trust to begin with.
So, how do I work on trust right now? I cling to Psalm 61:2 daily, trying daily to leave it all to God, to leave it at His feet. I am not always successful, but there are moments when I feel His peace and trust Him fully. Eventually I strive to have those moments become more and more. And I put Scripture in my house, like the picture you see here (given to me by my mother, painted by Kristen at Rustic Grace).