Slipping

We’re coming up on Christmas and I am reminded almost daily about our experience at Christmas last year. It was the worst Christmas ever and I’m almost afraid of Christmas this year.

On the other hand, I am looking forward to the new year because we will finally get my son on the list for his treatment. I am hoping the list will be short…

Things have been a bit up and down around here lately and I’ll be honest…I’m tired. It’s so hard to know what to do to help him. I want to fix this but I know I can’t. I have to wait and I’m so not good at waiting. I’m sure there are many of you who know exactly how I feel. I think when you have a child with a disease of any kind, waiting is the hardest part.

It’s like being a kid and being told that this wrapped gift right here is the thing you wanted the most but you can’t touch it until later but no date is given to you so you’re just sitting there staring at it, wondering when you’ll get to open it. The waiting is killing me.

And I feel my faith slipping. That’s the hardest thing for me I think. I feel like I’m treading water and screaming out in pain and God’s not listening. Don’t get me wrong, please…I know He’s listening and I know He’s answering and holding me up because I might not be sane right now if He wasn’t, but this period in time is soul sucking sometimes and I feel like I’m slipping. I feel like the cat who is hanging from the branch on that poster that says “hang in there”.

Talk to me…I know there are many of you who have gone through or are in this season yourself.

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